Ok, time for me to be completely honest. All this talk about technosaurs, and the professors that cling to their VHS tapes, thereby halting the forward progress of our university and our world? I am one of those. Not to that extreme, per se, but I will definitely always love paper books, and will always feel that the most important kind of communication happens offline. I may not ever really immerse myself in all of our digital resources, either. I'm sorry. That is just how I am right now. I'm not saying I can't change, and I'm not trying to rebel against the order of the class. I just thought everyone should know.
But I still have a problem. Since I was very little, it has been my dream to become an English teacher. (No, that is not the problem.)
I love to read, write, think, debate, and analyze the world around me. Literature has always done that for me. Literature, poetry, and even that dumb five paragraph essay help me come to terms with human nature. How? They put life into words,words into a certain format, and then put that format onto a physical page that I can stare at, write on, or leave open on the table if I get tired. Professor Burton puts it perfectly, "The study of literature, the process of reading it, researching it, writing about it- these are activities that reinscribe our faith in order, in meaning, in the clarity of cause and effect, in the efficacy of analysis, in the structured flow of reasoned argument." Order. This is what English is for me, and recently it hasn't felt so orderly.
My last big English class, 291, was a great one. Um, kinda. Literature- good. Classmates- good. Professor- not so good. He said a lot of things that shook my faith in English scholarship. Apparently literary criticism goes through phases and styles, which makes sense, and doesn't present a problem in itself. However, in his list of outdated forms of criticism (most of which were related to deconstructionalism-ish type stuff) that would never be published in modern literary journals, I recognized the ideaologies and foundational principles of my entire English education. What?? Are you kidding me? Have I been brought up to fail? I felt as if my career had ended before it even started; how could I aspire to teach a subject I didn't even understand?
I went and talked to a career counselor. Thought about changing my major. Freaked out. Gave it some time. Prayed about it a lot, then decided to hold on and wait it out. And here I am!
Yes. Here I am... in a class where English is changing once again. I guess I should've known it before now- its not as if I'd never seen a blog before this class, or used a public website to share personal opinions. It just seems overwhelming sometimes- all the technological potential and all the changes in society to go along with it. Of course that would change the way we analyze and teach and think about English and literature. Of course it would! Part of me just doesn't think I can handle it, though. Only 18, and I'm already old-fashioned haha So that is my confession, perhaps a bit overdramatic, but fairly representative of my general feelings on technology and teaching and what I'm going to do with my life... I guess we'll see!
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